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Top 11 Worst Episodes I've Reviewed (Year One)/Transcript
Introduction Mr. Enter: 'So, I've been reviewing cartoon episodes for an entire year now. And I can safely say that I've seen the absolute worst in history. Well, the worst for me personally and my life experience. #11: Lupe's Revenge Of The Hill '''Peggy: '''Listen to me roll my "r"s: rrrr! rrrr! I rrrrest my case! '''Mr. Enter: '''Guys, I'm going to tell you a little something you don't know about me... I hate Peggy Fucking Hill. Sure, Buck Cluck stole the title of my most hated animated character in animation, but that doesn't automatically redeem Peggy F. Hill. Chances are that if you're anything like Peggy Hill in real life, I will hate your fucking guts, because she helped to shape the qualities that I like least in people in real life; her gross stupidity and her insufferable egotism. What makes "Lupe's Revenge" particularly terrible and infuriating is that it's so contrived just to let her keep both traits... of wait, let both of those traits get worse. Someone who thinks that they can speak better Spanish than the Mexican people... needs to be knocked down a few pegs if you know what I mean. What kills me about this episode is not only did Peggy F. Hill get away with kidnapping a child, but she actively thinks that she did nothing wrong. I don't mean she thinks that it just wasn't against the law, she thinks she was morally in the right. Not only that, but she gets out of the situation still thinking that she has an amazing grasp of the Spanish language, and is willing to shove it into other people's faces at will. If Peggy F. Hill learned that she wasn't the greatest fucking thing in the world then this episode may have had a fucking point. Would it have hurt the episode to make her ''learn that she didn't have such a great grasp of Spanish? Oh wait, that would have stopped her from taking directions in Spanish in a later episode and getting her entire family lost, and we couldn't possibly have that now could we? This is the end all result of Flanderization. As you might have guessed, Peggy F. Hill was not this incompetent, egotistical, arrogant and stupid at one point. It is essentially the worst thing that can happen with Flanderization, tied up in one package of stupid. The plot is so incredibly contrived. People have told me that it takes four hours to get from middle Texas to a rural Mexican village. So apparently Lupe was in a bus for four hours complaining to Peggy and another teacher who couldn't possibly recognize her, and neither of them noticed that they've never seen her before. I don't know if it's the same in Mexico, but there is a flaccid of American law where ignorance is not an excuse. Even if Peggy didn't know that she was kidnapping a child, she was still kidnapping a child! And there's the subplot where a cop stalks and sexually harasses someone for comedy. No, gender doesn't make a difference; both are wrong and both disgust me. I didn't complain about this in my actual review because Peggy F. Hill stole my focus, but the B-plot insulted and disgusted me. Never mind the double standard at play here, it's that the writers think we're supposed to feel sorry for the cop. See the episode holding on her defeated frown. What the hell? Look, I'm not going to feel sorry for someone abusing their power to frisk someone, sexually harass, and stalk them, I don't care who the fuck they are. '''Peggy (in Spanish, subtitled): "Your honor, I can tell you are a reasonable horse." #10: Squid Baby Squarepants Mr. Enter: 'Have you ever read that ''Friendship Is Magic fan-fiction "Patty Cakes?" It was originally supposed to be a parody of "Cupcakes", but people found it even more terrifying. "Patty Cakes" is not terrifying... it's stupid. In it, Fluttershy kidnaps Rainbow, puts her in a diaper and tries to mentally turn her into a baby. It's not horrifying, because she succeeds in doing this in one afternoon of baby treatment. Alternatively, do you know what would make that idea terrifying? Ask the writers of Spongebob, they figured it out... ''to: clip of Patrick holding Squidward in "Squid Baby"'' '''Patrick: Ready to have some fun. Whoop-e-doo! [throws Squidward up to ceiling] Mr. Enter: 'Squidward gets turned into a baby by a semi-plausible method: a blow to the head. Let's get this out of the way first: yeah, it's a ripoff of ''"Rock-A-Bye-Bivalve". Please, "To Love A Patty" already shit over that episode a long time ago. No, what bothers me most about this episode is what a lot of people strangely seem to forget: Squidward is an adult. He's still an adult throughout the whole episode. The episode seems to play off some kind of uncanny fear. Yes, I know there's a whole fetish about this kind of thing, and I have nothing against the people who have that fetish... but this episode made me feel like I was watching their porn. Believe it or not though, my biggest problem with this episode is all of the drool. ''I put as little of it into my actual review for this particular reason.'' It sounds weird, I know, but this episode makes me cringe more than "House Fancy", "Pineapple Fever" or even "The Splinter". You are going to learn something about me after all: I have Asperger's Syndrome. When you have Asperger's Syndrome certain things gross you out more than normal. Some people can't eat yellow food because the color yellow grosses them out. ''I can empathize... in more ways than one.'' Do you know what grosses me out? A variety of things, but one of those things is drool. ''It would, no joke, be less disgusting to me personally if that [was blood.]'' Yeah, this episode disgusts me more than "Face Freeze" and more than "The Splinter" for that reason alone. I'm not gonna say that this plot couldn't have worked, it worked in Rugrats, but the writers there knew how to show the cute side of babies. Spongebob excels at disgust. I mean, you have Squidward, a grown adult, crap in his fucking pants! There are certain places you don't go, unless you are writing the aforementioned fetish porn. #9: It's A Wishful Life Fairly OddParents '''Mr. Enter: '''I've said it many times before: every show usually dishes out one major dud in its lifespan. Whether it's the master of the business or not. I mean, Foster's has "Everyone Knows It's Bendy", Ed, Edd, n Eddy has "If It Smells Like an Ed", Dexter's Lab has "Dexter vs. Santa's Claws". Normally I'd understand that. So for me to get offended by the dud, an episode needs to do something seriously wrong. And one episode managed to do just that. '''Jorgen: Kids who improved the world by wishing they were never born! Mr. Enter: 'I've said that this is my least favorite Animated Atrocities review. Now, a review that doesn't clock in at least 5 minutes, disappoints myself and makes me feel like I'm cheating you guys. But that alone wouldn't make a review my least favorite. "Bridle Gossip" is my least favorite MLP review, because of some poor word choices; ''this is my least favorite atrocity review because I didn't cut into this episode enough! It deserved so much more punishment than I gave this cruel ass episode! Let's start with the concept, shall we? Timmy wishes that he was never born. And, yeah, I know that a lot of kids wish that, but the full concept is that Timmy wishes he was never born, and the whole world is much better without him! Wait, not just better, like infinitely, amazingly better! This is to teach a lesson that you should never expect praise for what you do. Hello! That's a terrible moral! I mean, people should get compensation for their efforts, and it's unrealistic and cruel to believe that they shouldn't! Secondly, Timmy wasn't expecting compensation, he was sick and tired of people complaining about him spending his time, money, and effort! Now the word "contrived" is thrown around a lot, but nothing fits the definition more than this episode. What's worse is that every time a contrivance is thrown into the episode, it creates so many unfortunate implications that are bound to offend you no matter who you are! Francis is no longer a bully because Timmy was never born. So apparently, Timmy was the only kid that Francis bullied. Oh wait, no he wasn't! Maybe Timmy caused Francis to be a bully. Oh wait, no he didn't! ['''Today's word is "Logic"]' '''And the way this is worded, makes it seem like Timmy is making someone's life worse, by being the target of bullying! Tootie, the person whose life revolves completely around Timmy is completely ignored for this half-assed story. Timmy's parents have a girl instead of him. First of all, just because you're not born, doesn't mean someone else gets born in your place; it doesn't work that way. And because that child was a girl, you send even more mixed messages. ['Especially after something like this.] I'm not the only one who thinks that someone can't screw up this badly, right? I mean, there's not thinking about what you're writing, and then there's making "It's A Wishful Life"! But do you know what makes this episode unwatchably bad? It's Jorgen. Look, I know that he's a sadist, but the amount of glee he's getting from Timmy's suffering is uncomfortable and disturbing. And even the concept of the realm of children who make the world better by wishing they were never born; that gives the state home for the ugly a run for its money! Speaking of Doug Walker, in his words, "WHAT TWISTED PIG-SHIT COMES UP WITH THAT KIND OF STUFF?!!" And why does it look like hell?! I mean, if you're making the world better by what's essentially your SUICIDE, shouldn't it look rewarding? Or is an average kid like Timmy that much of an ass that he deserves to go to hell?! #8: Life Of Brian Guy ''to: Brian & Stewie at the scrapyard in "Life Of Brian"'' '''Brian: This is, like, the end of an era. to: the family at the veterinarian in "Life Of Brian" Meg: Mom, is Brian gonna be okay? to black. Caption: Yes to Seth MacFarlane's Twitter feed Mr. Enter: ''Seth MacFarlane, you're absolutely hilarious!'' Did you guys hear? Brian's back. Who could've predicted that this was one of the most insulting rating traps in animation history. Yep, I accurately predicted that Family Guy would bring back Brian, but then again, s''o did everybody else. So tell me guys, since I haven't watched the show since, has Brian become worse than he was before? Yeah, it was pretty much an ingenious plan: take the character that everyone hates, kill him in the most brutal way possible, make everyone feel unnaturally sorry for him, and give him a license to do whatever the hell you want with him in the future, in the eyes of the public. "Don't like Brian telling you that religious people are all bigoted idiots? Don't complain about it, or we'll kill him off...again." And this was definitely planned from the beginning, despite all the petitions that circulated around the web. A ''Family Guy episode takes about six months to make, believe it or not. But even if that wasn't the case, a whole season of a cartoon is usually done before the first episode even airs. What I'm trying to say is that I'm like 99.99--repeating% sure that "Christmas Guy" was planned and made before "Life Of Brian" even aired. And yeah, there's no proof that MacFarlane had anything to do with Family Guy's ''infamous flops like ''"Seahorse Seashell Party" ''and ''"Not All Dogs Go To Heaven". to Seth MacFarlane's Twitter feed Well here's your proof on this one. Yeah, I can blame him entirely for this one, and I'm going to. For what it's worth ''"Christmas Guy" is far worse than this episode, if only for a joke that made me never wanna drink eggnog ever again, and a first half subplot that literally could be cut out and leave the rest of the episode unchanged. I seriously considered reviewing it, but then I thought...no, this was obviously a publicity stunt. He's expecting us to start bashing the whole thing, getting us to trend on social media, and all kinds of crap like that. If I reviewed it, it would feel like I'd be playing into his trap. I hate to say that I'm never gonna be reviewing another Family Guy episode again, because, let's be honest here, ''Just a few worthy candidates: "Not All Dogs Go To Heaven", "Family Gay", "Road To The North Pole", "Brain Griffin's House Of Payne", "The Juice Is Loose", "Brain & Stewie", "Peter-assment", "Quagmire's Dad", "Be Careful What You Fish For", "Yug Ylimaf" I can get just as much material out of this show as I could from Spongebob. I probably will review Family Guy again, but I'm definitely going to avoid publicity traps like this as much as possible. It's one thing to create buzz on your terrible show by doing terrible things by accident. It's an entirely different thing to do it on purpose. Forced wouldn't begin to describe this episode. Most episodes that try to tug at your heartstrings, at least have feelings there to begin. And they don't take you through the death of your own dog in order to elicit sympathy for an asshole. And they don't replace the asshole with an annoying stereotype who's functionally the same in every single way. Despite what I've said, I do feel sorry for the people who signed petitions, begged Seth to bring Brian back, People actually did this or even went so far as getting tattoos to commemorate Brian's passing because to Seth McFarlane's Twitter feed ''this display is disgusting in the truest sense of the word. '''Chris: Oh, my God, he's... Lois: Yes, Chris, I'm afraid -- I'm afraid that our Brian is dead! 'to black. Caption: Give it a couple of weeks, he'll recover. #7: Madballs: Gross Jokes Mr. Enter: 'One complaint that I frequently get is why do I take cartoons so seriously. So what if there aren't people yelling at writers creating pandering bullshit for kids. I mean, "It's just animation!" Because if there aren't people who are doing this kind of stuff, you get things like ''Madballs: Gross Jokes. 'MadBall: ' No, we need something the really sums things up. Something that says it all! 'Mr. Enter: '''I feel that if there weren't people taking the animation industry seriously, this is what it will become. This here is the worst stereotype of cartoons: stupid, juvenile jokes, horrid colors attempting to gross you out, no plot, no characters, just barely moving pictures! This doesn't treat its audience like they're idiots, it treats them like shit! Literal excrement. It believes that what it's pitifully attempting to distract is disgusting, has the fairest breath of intelligence, and that it's only prequisite for entertainment is that its schlock needs to be animated. Provided that ''this could be called animation! This is the end-all result of believing that animation is just for kids and the creators not knowing the slightest thing about children. Watching this shit is probably some level of hell! Unlike, say, "The Splinter", which forces you to look away from what's going on, this doesn't. Instead it forces your endurance. You struggle to make it through with your brains intact. I was able to make it through one sitting, but please do not try that at home. I am a trained professional and I've had years of experience. This lacks so little substance, that I'm not sure what to talk about. When you get down to it, all it is is what could laughably be called skits. No. A skit is a variety of jokes around one scenario. Each segment here is one joke stolen from a dollar store joke book, hammered into the ground, and then to the center of the Earth! At least the G3 episodes were pleasant to look at. I mean, when the characters weren't staring into my soul; YOU GUYS STILL CAN'T HAVE IT!! Yeah that's right, I could've put any of the G3 episodes that weren't "A Very Minty Christmas" on this list, but I didn't. Let me let that sink in! This was unpleasant to look at. The colors are bland and ugly, because that's what disgusting little boys like, isn't it? Hur-hur-hur. The animation here is hideous. In fact, it's BARELY animated! Look, I've said that I don't understand grossout humor in the slightest, but I do know where it is, and it's not here! If it was here, then this piece of shit would have a purpose! Whenever people tell you that you're taking cartoons too seriously, show them this. Tell them that this is what will happen again and again if people don't take cartoons seriously. Think about it: trying to entertain stereotypes of children and throw as little budget at it as possible, and tend to get a few bucks from parents who don't care about the quality of their children's entertainment. Speaking of parents, your kids deserve better than this! My worst enemies deserve better than this, but I digress. Kids who grow up watching shit like this, tend to grow up watching shit as an adult! "It's for kids", is not an excuse! Toy Story is for kids. The Lion King is for kids. The Wizard of Oz is for kids. Your target audience is not an indicator of your quality. That being said, not all the schlock in the world was made for kids. #6: Trilogy Ctrl+Alt+Delete '''Ethan: Yes! time later I'm bored! Mr. Enter: 'Do you know what else isn't an excuse? "It was made online!" Especially if the assholes charged money for it! To date, there are only two things that I've reviewed that I needed multiple sittings to review: ''Chicken Little, an hour and a half movie that was the worst movie I've ever seen, and the Ctrl+Alt+Delete Trilogy, something that doesn't even clock in at 15 minutes, with 3 title sequences. That is impressive, and not in any of the good ways. Before we continue, I want to show you a few things. This is an episode of Eddsworld, an online web show that was originally made by one person on what I can assume came out of his own pocket, and may he rest in peace. This is Tar Boy, another animated short, made by a student! Elephant's Dream. Meant to be a tech demo. But comparing any of those to CAD is incredibly insulting to those other animations. Hell, it's insulting to Dusk's Dawn, or that 2nd grader's first animation that you found on the back corners of Newgrounds! Most of those other things were indie productions that had pretty much no budget. This was made by a previously established company, and had a budget. How much I don't know, because any information about the series, as far as I can tell, has been purged from the Internet. Hopefully, out of shame! There's a few things that I do know: to view 1 episode of the show, it would cost you $3. And since this is a 3-parter, it would cost you $9 total. This was to quote "pay the 'professional' animation studios and voice actors to make this happen." '''Jack Thompson: Tell them. I was killed. By video games. [I personally have no voice acting experience, use a free online recording program called Audacity, and a $15 microphone, and I can keep the static out of the recording.] Mr. Enter: 'It would also quote, "have a professional voice cast, and a lengthy development period, and was of sufficient quality to be comparable to that of a televised animated series." What animated series are we talking about here? ''Bubsy? Actually, that didn't make my list either. One of the hardest things doing what I do, is showing you guys how painful something is, while sparing you the actual pain. Sometimes, that's clearly not possible. I mean, I can tell you that the Bubsy cartoon uses nails on the chalkboard, but you won't know how bad it actually is until you actually watch it for yourself. As you can tell, this problem usually persists in sound. Which is why I often glance over terrible songs I come across. However, those "professional voice actors" did such a piss-poor job here, that there is no way I could properly convey how migraine-inducing this is without showing you the whole damn thing! Yeah, I'd probably be an asshole if I started doing my normal schtick against projects of passion with a shoestring budget. But when you make all these wonderful claims and come up with a project that's objectively worse than Dusk's Dawn, and then charge money for it, you deserve all the scorn and hatred that you get. The jokes are shit, the plot is shit, and horribly dated, and the characters, I would say that they were shit too, but it's hard to tell through the broken audio and uncanny movements. And according to RowdyC from TV Trash, this is one of the better episodes of Ctrl+Alt+Delete! Excuse me while I strangle myself with my neighbor's pet ferret. #5: A Pal for Gary Squarepants 'Mr. Enter: '''Did you guys know that modern ''Spongebob actually has fans? '''I've probably been ticking them off for as long as I've been doing this I mean, not just the people who tolerate what Spongebob has become, but actually enjoy the show for what it is. Yeah, they actually enjoy Spongebob for what it is. Here's a professional DVD reviewer calling "The Splinter", and "Boating Buddies" some of Spongebob's ''best episodes. I really hope this guy is trolling' Praising the toenail scene in "House Fancy", and calling "Plankton's Regular" one of the better episodes featuring Plankton. 'this is why we don't use Wikipedia. This review is used to call season 6 "one of the best" on Wikipedia, and the whole reception part is written entirely around it' People have even come to me, saying that they liked "One Coarse Meal". They never told me ''why, but they said they liked it. But there is one particular episode that no one, and I mean '''''no one, has anything good to say about. Spongebob: Gary! Gary: '''meows '''Spongebob: '''You put Fluffy down right now! Bad boy, Gary! Bad! '''Mr. Enter: '''What is there left to say about this shit? No, seriously? Look, I despise animal abuse, and attempting to use it for comedy like this, just makes my blood boil. How blind, deaf, and stupid can someone be? Flanderization does not begin to describe Spongebob in this episode. Out of character does not begin to describe Spongebob in this episode. There's only one word I can use to describe Spongebob in this episode: EVIL!! '''Mermaid Man: Evil? EEEEEVVVIIILLLL!! Mr. Enter: 'Yes, yes, yes, evil. Shut up. Yeah, I'm just imagining that Spongebob did know that Puffy Fluffy was a monster the whole time, and was attempting to teach Gary a lesson for trying to enjoy his time away from him. Would that be worse than what we actually got? Well, in that scenario, I could actually understand Spongebob's actions. 'would be the prime example of "Explain" does not equal "Excuse" Yeah, he's not watching TV there, he's watching Puffy Fluffy tear up Gary's stuff. Infuriatingly enough, that's the only possible way that this episode could make any semblance of sense. This episode is cruel and sadistic. Gary is repeatedly abused for no fucking reason, in a plot that I've never seen done right. The plot where someone gets a replacement cannot be done correctly, stop using it. At best, you've got the character being replaced uncharacteristically jealous because the plot demands it. At worst, at the absolute worst, you've got this piece of shit. There's Kafka comedy... and then there's this. I've seen this kind of stuff on The Gregory Horror Show. ''I've seen lesser stuff on ''The Gregory Horror Show, a show that's supposed to psychologically torment its characters. And The Gregory Horror Show is aimed at adults. Spongebob is aimed at seven-to-twelve-year-olds... and I don't fucking care what the writers say. You know, I have a lot of younger cousins that come by and watch Spongebob, and every time I'm in an interesting position. Do you hope they get one of the more tolerable modern episodes like, say, Overbooked. Cashier: This is what I got... him a yellow cake with lavender and baby blue icing that says "Sorry About the Scabies" SpongeBob: reading "Sorry About the Scabies" Mr. Enter: Honestly, it's one of the less harmful things you've done to me. Or do you hope that they'll get something like The Splinter so their parents see what's going on and never let them watch the show again. I mean, that has got to be what's going on here, right? Most parents just don't know what Spongebob has been up to in the past 9 years. I mean, that's the only possible explanation I can think about why any parent would let their kid watch shit like this, or this ("The Splinter"), or even this ("To Love A Patty"). Oh wait, I haven't reviewed that episode yet. I mean, if you watch it, if you even like it, fine. But please, show your kids something a little less scarring like, I don't know, Texas Chainsaw Massacre! #4: One Coarse Meal Squarepants to: Spongebob & Plankton outside of the Krusty Krab in "One Coarse Meal" Plankton: Go away, CheeseHead! Can't you see I'm trying to get run over? Mr. Enter: 'Yeah, you all saw this one coming. The only surprise here is that it's only number four in what you could pretty much call the worst cartoon episodes that I've ever seen in my entire life. Look, it's rare that I get offended personally, even some of the episodes on this list don't offend me personally, but ''this crosses my line, and that is one line you do not want to cross. I'm not going to say that you can't use suicide comedically, I've seen it done comedically before... but if you're gonna try to do it, do it as a fucking adult, and don't do it for kids. Yeah, I know the writers say that they're writing squarely for adults; I don't give a shit. Or alternatively, you could take this very real issue seriously. I've reviewed episodes of kid shows that take on this kind of stuff seriously, like "The Mask" or "Helga On The Couch" or even "Flight To The Finish". Even if you don't treat it with the dignity that it deserves, '''at least try! I mean, the whole concept of this episode is that Krabs drives his arch-enemy to attempt suicide and we're either supposed to root for him or find it funny because... these guys say that he's the good guy, and that Plankton's the bad guy. It's not just that they're showing suicide, but they're showing it in such a realistic way here. I mean attempting to get run over by a bus, a truck or a train is a very real method of attempting suicide, and being stalked and harassed is a very real prompt of suicide. People attempt to commit suicide when they feel trapped and like there's no other options -- that there's no point in living. That's probably the biggest problem here: they portray suicide realistically so that they can mock it. And Spongebob does not let Plankton go through with it because... SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Plankton, but that flies in the face of my good nature. Mr. Enter: 'I don't know why people defend this asshole. I mean there's the aforementioned ''"A Pal For Gary". Then there's "Choir Boys"... ''to: Spongebob tunnelling out of the road that Squidward is driving on with a shovel in "Choir Boys"'' '''SpongeBob: This giant pothole outta get his attention. Squidward: Fi-Ga-! Pothole Ahhh! into Jellyfish Fields to: Spongebob & Plankton outside of the Krusty Krab in "One Coarse Meal" SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Plankton, but that flies in the face of my good nature. to: Jellyfish surround Squidward as Spongebob approaches him "Choir Boys" SpongeBob: Now I have a captive audience! Throat Squidward: Zap Ahhhh! to: Spongebob & Plankton outside of the Krusty Krab in "One Coarse Meal" SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Plankton, but that flies in the face of my good nature. to: Jellyfish zap Squidward as Spongebob clears his throat in "Choir Boys" SpongeBob: ''is Zapped'' Mimimimimi is Zapped to: Spongebob & Plankton outside of the Krusty Krab in "One Coarse Meal" SpongeBob: ...that flies in the face of my good nature. to: Jellyfish zap Squidward as Spongebob clears his throat in "Choir Boys" Squidward: AHHH! SpongeBob: Uhm Squidward, could you keep it down please? I'm trying to find my starting pitch here. Laaa! Mr. Enter: ''"A Breath Of Fresh Squidward", ''"Good Neighbours"... ''Look I'm just off-writing the ''"Top Ten Worst Squidward Torture Porns" ''script, I could go on all day. I mean, sure, his "good nature" crops up here and there: 'to: Spongebob checking up on Squidward from outside the latter's house in "Are You Happy Now?"' '''SpongeBob: '''Squidward! Squidward! ''pulls the blinds down on both windows ''Well, at least we know that he is still alive. '''Mr. Enter: '''But for the most part, the Keeper Creeper here is pure evil. 'to: Mermaidman freaking out in "Mermaidman & Barnacle Boy"' '''Mermaidman:' Evil! Mr. Enter: 'I said shut up! I get it ''SpongeBob, you used to be funny! Another defense I hear for this episode is that some species of whales do, in fact, eat plankton. Yeah, I guess watching Finding Nemo doesn't certify you to be a marine biologist. First of all, that doesn't exactly excuse the cannibalism that wasn't just implied, but outright stated. Sure episodes in the past have used cannibalism as a joke, but it was never a plot point, because not only is it disturbing, it doesn't make any sense logically. I mean, we've seen sharks... do they just go around eating the citizens of Bikini Bottom? Oh, who am I kidding, as long as they're not littering, the citizens of Bikini Bottom can do whatever the hell they want. Secondly, I've done some research and yeah, some species of whales do, in fact, eat plankton. In my research, I've also found something else: some species of whales also eat crabs. Yeah, some species of whales eat crabs, fish and squids... ''to: Opening credits of "One Coarse Meal" Don't you fucking dare, or I will hunt you down and kill you! And you know what? Despite this fact, I wouldn't wanna see an episode where Pearl turns on Krabs and tries to eat him, even after "One Coarse Meal", 'cos that goes beyond sadistic. That's pretty much... 'to: Mermaidman freaking out in "Mermaidman & Barnacle Boy" Mermaidman: Evil! Mr. Enter: '''I said shut up! #3: Spongebob You're Fired Squarepants '''Spongebob: F-f-f-f-f-f-f Patrick: Frothy? Frappe? I can't think of any more food that starts with the letter C, Spongebob. Mr. Enter: 'Alright, so why is a stupid ratings trap worse than an episode that tries to use a realistic suicide for comedy? Through sheer. Lack. Of quality. Despite the atrocity that "One Coarse Meal" was, it told a story. I mean, it was one of the worst, most insulting, most mean-spirited stories I've ever seen in my life, but it was still a story. In this episode, Spongebob gets fired, for a nickel, he walks back into the Krusty Krab sometime later, and gets hired again. The end. Special over. Oh, I'm sorry. Did I glance over something? I mean, something of substance? Most of these 22 minutes, ''literally nothing happens! ''I said that "Waiting" had more of a plot-- you know, that episode where Spongebob stands by his mailbox for 7 minutes waiting for a mail-order toy?-- I meant it! Actually, this episode seems to be taking most of its cues from "Waiting". I mean, Spongebob interacts with his quote-unquote "friends" in the same order: first, Patrick, who does absolutely nothing for either plot; second Sandy, who in this episode proves that she's more deplorable than the idea of Plankton, by trying to feed freeloaders toxic sludge because... I don't know, she can! Let's count how many episodes that this special rips off. We already got "Waiting". The title is a ripoff of "Mrs. Puff, You're Fired". Mr. Krabs fires an employee over the loss of a coin, just like "Can You Spare A Dime?"; by the way, he fired Squidward, a worse employee, over the loss of a coin that had ''sentimental value! Spongebob's consistently crying could be a ripoff of any number of episodes, but let's go with "All That Glitters". The concept of Mr. Krabs firing Spongebob comes from, well let's go with, "Welcome To The Chum Bucket". Mr. Krabs's cooking is on par with his talent in "Squilliam Returns". There's the whole plot of "Krusty Dogs", which is used 3 times! The concept of this episode is also stolen from "Bummer Vacation". Spongebob's mug, and the fact that this is a lackluster episode used as a ratings trap, comes from "The Best Day Ever". Sandy's a jerk --for science!-- just like in "To Save A Squirrel". The ending sequence is not only ripped off from the beginning of this episode, but it suspiciously resembles the ending of "Help Wanted". Spongebob can't cook anything but Krabby Patties, a problem that carries over from "The Big Switch". The disturbing face. Well, the first one that I can recall comes from "Just One Bite". By the way, it's not exactly fair to that episode, but I do blame it for every disturbing face that this show has shot me since then. Spongebob invents another food, just like in "Patty Hype". And probably many, many more that I can't find. As you can see, they're not just ripping off the classics anymore, they're ripping off the mediocre, or even the bad episodes almost like it's a game to see how much they can recycle in 1 episode. If you don't know what this means, I'll tell you right now: ''"Spongebob, You're Fired", signifies that Spongebob Squarepants is eating its own excrement! And yet, somehow worse than that implies. This episode is a culmination of everything that's wrong with modern Spongebob: there's no creativity, there's no originality, the characters are beyond characters of the stereotypes of what they once were, it mixes annoyance and cruelty with comedy, grossout faces are used without knowing why they ever worked in the first place. You know how they say when a show's run its course, it's on life support? This episode proves that the life support is dead! #2: Seahorse Seashell Party Guy Meg: Do you think it's possible that... that this family can't survive without some sort of lightning rod to absorb all the dysfunction? Mr. Enter: 'One thing that I do very well is explain why morals are bad without explaining why they affected me personally. I mean, I told you guys why I thought the moral of "One Bad Apple" was terrible, without telling you guys that I was pepper sprayed by a bully, for telling an adult that I was being bullied. And I told you why the moral of "Seahorse Seashell Party" was so bad, without telling you that I grew up in similar living conditions. And if I followed their "moral", that was nothing more than an excuse to justify their Meg-bashing, ''I'd probably be dead! It's a message that tries to make abuse victims feel noble for staying in abusive relationships. I've said this in my actual review, but taking someone else's shit and abuse isn't noble. If your family needs a quote-unquote "lightning rod" to function, then it probably shouldn't be a family at all! In fact, it's not a family. If someone is abusing you, the only thing you owe them is a swift kick out of your life. You deserve better than them, no matter who you are. ['''They don't even need to be anywhere near as terrible as these horrible people were] Yeah, I don't care if it was an attempt to justify abusing Meg. The fact that it comes across as a moral is not only insulting, it's actually dangerous! Like, someone could actually get themselves killed by following this stupid ass moral. I don't wanna hear "it's a parody" either, because it's not fucking funny! Spongebob: I guess crying does solve your problems after all. Mr. Enter: Yeah, that's a parody too... I tend to not like bottle episodes, because the writers are forced to use their characters imaginations, and very rarely are any media characters truly imaginative. But our clever writers have a wonderful way around that: let's use hallucinogens. The episode's entire budget was blown on taking us through Wonderland's Hell. Why? I have no fucking idea. Family Guy is primarily a comedy show, and always has been. And, needless to say, this demented shit isn't funny! It's not compelling either; hell, it isn't even shocking anymore. After "Life Of Brian", let's just call it what it is: desperate! I think it's safe to say that an episode about characters trying to entertain themselves without television, shouldn't be as boring as being trapped in the house during a power outage. Yet this episode fluctuates between being boring, infuriating, and depressing. There's not one enjoyable or even tolerable moment through this whole miserable pile of shit! Look, I know that most people know better than to listen to a show that spends half an episode with a baby's skull cracked open, but this episode's mere existence disgusts me on a deep personal level. Look, Family Guy saying that all religious people are bigoted idiots is offensive, yes. But even if someone believes that lesson, they won't bring any harm on themselves. If they believe this moral, as I said, their life would get substantially worse! Yeah, that's quite frankly disgusting. And it's boring. Oh God, is it boring! When the highlight of your episode is pitiful attempts to shock and disturb your audience, then you've done something incredibly wrong! And you should rethink your career as a living, human being! #1: 1 Night In Gottlieb Gregory Mr. Enter: '''When I started reviewing animated atrocities, I was 100% sure that "Seahorse Seashell Party" would be the worst cartoon episode, that I could have ever come across. I mean, there could not be anything worse than telling abuse victims that they should stay in abusive relationships, for their abuser's benefit. Take it to Jonah Hill to prove me wrong! '''Patrick: '''Anything, really. Pictures or a videotape-- '''Allen: '''Video tape, video tape, video-sex tape! That's what I have. '''Patrick: Sex tape? Mr. Enter: Allen Gregory is something that I don't normally encounter, even watching some of the worst cartoons of all time. What you'll notice is that most of the episodes on this list, revolve around characters doing something heinous, while you're supposed to laugh at them. Or, worse, feel sympathy for them. That's the whole premise of this show: give screen time to the most horrible little shit you could ever conceive, and have him play off characters that are equally or, somehow, more horrible, or just plain boring! The premise of this particular episode is that a 7-year-old child is trying to make a sex tape with his principal who is 10 times his age! Yeah, I guess I'll reconsider my earlier statement that you can make anything funny, because I don't know any way in hell that you can make that the slightest bit humorous. It's not funny, it's just disgusting and wrong! Any attempt at a joke in this is disgusting and wrong! Yeah, Allen thinks that one of his parents raping the other is plain sex. Because you know that-that's absolutely a knee slapper. The show was so bad, that just hearing Jonah Hill's voice is enough to bring up scars. Snoutlout: You should come by some time to work out. ["How to Train Your Dragon" (my favorite Dreamworks movie] Mr. Enter: DIE IN A HOLE YOU- Ahem. This show was obviously a ploy to appeal to Family Guy's audience, by putting Stewie Griffin in the limelight, while not understanding what made Stewie Griffin a funny character to begin with! You see, if you're going to make your character an unlikeable douchebag, you've got to make 'em a funny unlikeable douchebag. There's nothing funny or witty about what any of these characters do. They're just horrible to each other. And what's worse, is that you're supposed to feel sorry for them! '' Not helping is the hideous character designs. I mean, with ''Ctrl+Alt+Delete, I can at least recognize the characters as human. Does ANYONE have any idea what species Julie is supposed to be?! I mean, there is no way for a human to look like that, without some severe radiation poisoning! The Oblongs look more realistic than them, '''''and they're supposed to look disfigured!! All of the background characters go through the same few frames of animation, like no one would notice. Jonah Hill, I want to introduce you to the brony community, who has given every background character a full-fledged story and personality based on what they were doing. Beyond that, even your common viewer will notice that no one ever moves in the background! I keep saying that Spongebob has lasted too long; this show has lasted way too much longer. This show has lasted way too much longer than Spongebob, Family Guy, Final Fantasy, and any other franchise suffering from seasonal rot! And it only lasted 7 fucking episodes. That was about 300 episodes too many! Will I review the other episodes? Is there really a purpose to it? I'd like to keep my number 1 on this list a surprise next year.